Different thinking styles that challenge each other. Stimulating but sometimes frustrating.
A square means one person’s Sun and the other person’s Mercury are about 90 degrees apart. The app counts it as challenging. What the labels mean.
The argument as a hobby
Here one person’s way of thinking and talking rubs against the other’s sense of who they are. The Mercury person picks holes, asks “but what about”, and sees the flaw in the plan. The Sun person holds a view because it matters to them, so what the Mercury person treats as a discussion can feel to them like a challenge to their identity.
At its best, this makes for great talk. You never run out of things to disagree about, and each of you ends up with better arguments. A lot of people find that more attractive than constant agreement.
When it stops being fun
The Sun person may start to feel that nothing they say is taken at face value. They mention a dream job and get a list of risks. The Mercury person, in turn, can feel that they’re not allowed to question anything without hurting someone’s pride, so they hold back or get more pointed. Over the years, this can turn into a habit of correcting each other in front of friends.
Watch for the moment when winning the point starts to matter more than the point itself. It’s usually easy to tell, because neither of you remembers how it started.
Disagreeing well
Ask what kind of conversation this is before you start. “Do you want me to poke holes in this, or are you just excited?” is one sentence, and it heads off a lot of trouble. If you’re the Sun person, practice hearing a question as interest. If you’re the Mercury person, try saying one thing you like about an idea before the thing you don’t.
A plain rule helps too: no scoring points in public. It’s fine to tease and fine to debate. Doing it in front of others costs more than it’s worth.