Led by a mood
You tend to approach people gently, drifting closer and picking up cues without saying much. Your desire is closely tied to imagination and tenderness. A feeling of being merged with someone, music in the room, a story you’ve built together in your head: this is where it lives for you. You may also respond strongly to what your partner wants, sometimes to the point where it’s hard to tell which part is yours.
Your drive tends to come alive for something beyond yourself. A creative project, someone who needs help, an ideal: for these you can work for hours without noticing. For a task you just don’t care about, it may be nearly impossible to get started, and the day can slip by.
Where the anger goes
Direct conflict can feel unbearable, so you might withdraw, go vague, agree and then not do it, or suddenly be asleep at eight. You could soak up the tension in a room and feel exhausted without knowing why. Anger may come out as tears or as a quiet sense of being wronged. The people around you can be left guessing what happened, while you’re wondering why nobody noticed.
Because you’ve got so much sympathy, you may also take the blame when you shouldn’t and excuse someone’s behavior by understanding it. Seeing where someone’s cruelty comes from gives you no duty to keep absorbing it. If you often feel you’ve disappeared in a relationship, take it seriously, and talk to someone outside it.
You’ll do better with some practice in finding your no. Start with something tiny: the film, the restaurant. Time alone to work out what you feel before you respond is not avoidance, so long as you do come back. Exercise that feels good, such as swimming or dancing, tends to help you find what your body wants when your mind is foggy.
Being gentle and clear
Ask softly and specifically: “What would you pick if I didn’t care?” Don’t raise your voice, because it tends to end the conversation. Encourage whatever they’re making or dreaming about, and help them take the next practical step. They can have a surprising amount of force when they believe in something.