Desire by paying attention
You tend to go after what you want methodically and without much fuss. You’d sooner learn what someone likes than sweep them off their feet, and you take pride in doing things properly, which isn’t a bad quality in a lover. You pay close attention, and you remember what worked. Feeling clean, rested and at ease in your own body may matter to you more than it does to many. A messy, frantic setting can switch you off, whereas an unhurried and considered one can do quite the opposite.
You usually put your energy into being useful, too. Your routines, your work and your long list of small improvements give you a steady way to burn fuel, and you might feel restless when you don’t have them.
Nitpicking as a form of anger
When you’re annoyed, it might not sound like anger at all. It sounds like a correction: the towel, the tone, the route they took. You’ve got evidence and dates, and you may be technically right. The partner on the other end often just feels graded. Under a long list of small complaints, there’s usually one real thing you haven’t said, such as “I feel I’m doing all of this alone.”
Try saying the one big thing and dropping the small ones for a week. You could also ask before you give feedback: “Are you after a fix for this, or an ear?” When you turn the same critical eye on yourself, as you very likely do, ease up there too. Your standards are useful tools, and they shouldn’t be used to beat anybody, including you.
How to work with this drive
Thank them for what they fix, by name. Agree on who does what at home, because that alone can remove half the arguments. Bring them real problems when you want help, and tell them outright when you only want a hug. Give clear feedback, too. They’d much rather know than guess.