Excited by the unexpected
You tend to go after people in ways that don’t follow the script. You might become friends first, or suggest something nobody’s tried, or send a long message about an idea when others would send a compliment. Desire for you often starts in the head, and an unusual mind or an open, experimental attitude can light you up quicker than conventional romance. You probably don’t want to be anybody’s possession, and you’d rather not treat anyone as yours.
Causes get your energy as well. You might find it far easier to get angry on behalf of strangers, or about a badly designed system, than about something that’s happened in your own kitchen.
Very calm, and not in a good way
In a fight you may become detached. You pull back and start explaining, in a reasonable voice, what’s happening from a logical point of view, while the other person feels as though they’re being studied. Then, sometimes, there’s a sudden burst of action: you announce a big decision that you’ve obviously been working on alone for weeks, and it comes as a total shock to everyone else.
You’re also quick to spot an attempt to control you, which is a real strength. Just keep in mind that “Could you let me know if you’ll be late?” isn’t an attempt to control you. Being contrary for its own sake can look a lot like independence and cost you plenty.
Try telling people what’s going on while it’s still going on. “I’ve gone quiet because this is getting to me” gives them a way in. And if a problem’s about your relationship, try giving the emotional part the same seriousness you’d give to an idea. Feelings count as information as well.
Reaching them
Ask for their reasoning, and give yours. Don’t issue orders or appeal to what other couples do. Offer real freedom, and ask for honest notice about what they’re planning. A shared project, a shared cause or a new shared experiment can bring back the spark when things have grown stale.